WHAT TO EXPECT

This is a bit of a trick question: therapy is always uncharted territory. A process of discovery. The fact is, we don’t know what exactly will be discovered—hence the need for discovery. Inevitably there are blind spots. Even if we think that we know exactly what would stop our suffering and make us happy (break up with my partner, get over the breakup with my partner, quit my job, get a raise, learn to say no to my parents, become more organized, more disciplined, less rigid, more of a go-getter, less of a go-getter), the picture is always more complicated, more nuanced—and more interesting to explore. Indeed, exploration is therapy’s basic invitation--not for the sake of “internal tourism,” but as the only real path for change and growth.

I said it is a “bit” of a trick question, not completely. That is because there are in fact many things you can expect when starting treatment. As someone who will be meeting you for the first time, I will naturally not know you--your own particular history, the causes of your pain, your private fears. But through collaboration with many clients, I’ve come to know what makes for a worth-while journey. I can promise you that it will be done at a safe space and that you could always ask to pause and catch your breath. Sometimes you will be the leader, deciding where to go; other times, I will suggest a path. I may note when I feel we’ve gone through the same track many times already and are stuck in a bit of a labyrinth. In which case, we may need to revisit our map, take a breath, relax. If I catch a glimpse of what may be the North Star, I will point it out. I will encourage you to look up for it as well—you may catch it before I do. If I see something, say a patch of quicksand or a landmine you seem to be walking right into, I will say something. When a possible signpost appears, I will point it out: is it telling us to go back and take another look a? Should we take a few steps back to re-examine?

If the view suddenly opens up to a beautiful landscape, I may suggest pausing, just to savor: see how far you’ve come. Or if the pleasant site, far from awesome and panoramic, is only a seedling, we may need to kneel down for a closer look: there’s a way to go, but there’s already beauty, right where we are.

If it sounds like we’re walking through a fantastic, poetic mountain, be sure there may be some hard, uphill, even seemingly thankless stretches. We will consider what could possibly make it more interesting. I will offer ways of learning even from what seems completely arid land. And if it gets really difficult—think a steep cliff—I will suggest considering whether you’ve built enough muscles to give it a good go.

We don’t know how this venture would end. But we can still say some things about the end. You will come out stronger. There would be a greater sense of clarity about what constitutes for you a meaningful life. There will be a stronger ability to pursue that life. You will see that, day-to-day, you have come closer to living in a way that is aligned with your morals and true ambitions. Because you’ve changed in the course of treatment, you will be much more likely to believe in the truth of change—that more change and more growth will come. In other words, the end of treatment will not be the end of growth; you will just be a better “self-grower.” You will probably be excited for this change. You will know yourself better. There will be greater self-love, because it is only through self-knowledge that we can get to self-love (we cannot love ourselves as long as we keep inventing ourselves to please other people).

These are not statements I throw around lightly. It’s been my experience that people who are invested in their treatment do experience these changes. The pace may change and the extent may change. But I have yet to encounter a committed client who has come out feeling they are leaving without a sense of accomplishment and with more hopefulness.

What to bring to your first session? Yourself, of course. But that is not always easy, is it? For many of us, the true self won’t show itself to us, much less others. In which case: come as your are.

What I will bring: Myself. Touchstone, treasured books:

Thich Nhat Hanh: Basically his entire body of work, including The Art of Power and Transformation at the Base,

which gives a clear-eyed review of Buddhist psychology in the Mahayana tradition.

The Wise Heart, Jack Kornfield: Another book about Buddhist psychology, this one from the Theravada

tradition (the oldest school of the religion).

Love and Will: Existentialist Rollo May’s exploration of finding true and stable meaning to the human life.
Man’s Search for Meaning: by Victor Frank, whose ability to find meaning in circumstances that defy any sense and

any hope is extraordinary.

I and Thou: Martin Buber denies being a mystic. Nevertheless, this book captures the mystical quality of true

connection—to others, to nature, and to “god.”

The Gift of Therapy: Irvin Yalom is a therapist’s therapist. His demonstration of the interaction between therapist

and client gives an exquisite outlook of the full potential of this process, which goes far beyond “fixing” issues.

The Body Keeps the Score: Bessel van der Kolk thorough explanation of how we are affected by trauma, and how

we can reclaim our agency and power.

Who should come? This journey is for everyone. It will be best to talk on the phone before first meeting so I can answer your questions and ask some of my own, to get a better sense whether we are on the same—or close enough--page. If not, I am happy to recommend a number of trusted colleagues or help refer you in the right direction, if I can.

Some populations that I often (though not exclusively work with):

People who feel they are somehow stuck in their lives, have “missed the train,” are not quite fulfilling their potential, whether professionally or in relationships or both. This is sometimes called a midlife crisis; I have seen thirteen year olds who suffer from it, thinking their lives are doomed, all opportunities wasted. In other words, age is indeed, sometimes a state of mind.
LGBTQI: Things have changed, progress made; but shame and other challenges particular to this population have not gone away, at least not for everyone. I am invested in helping in the continued healing of LBTQIA people.
Hebrew Speakers: Therapy is often most useful in the language that we grew up with, that helped shape the contours of our hearts. If Hebrew is that language for you, it would be a joy to use it in our work. I originally hail from Israel and am completely fluent in Hebrew. CLICK here to read page in Hebrew.